Connect With Courage – Ep. 10: Building A Great Team

Why build a Loyalist team?

  • Reason #1: It’s working.
    • high sustainable performance, inspires people to give and be their best
    • respond quickly to outside challenges and keep moving forward
    • intelligent risk-taking, innovation and creativity
    • Stakeholders perceive the team as effective.
  • Reason #2: It’s rewarding.
    • Work is highly engaging and you’re having fun.
    • You can be your authentic self and do your best work every day.
  • Reason #3: Because you can.
    • While only 15 percent of teams are Loyalist Teams, every team can become and stay one. The choice is yours.
    • If you want to enjoy the results that only the highest-performing teams get, you have to do what it takes to get there and continue to do it to stay there. That is hard work. But: Why settle for anything less?
  • So without further ado, let’s dig into the tools you need to build the team of your dreams.

Where to begin: Relationships

  • Extraordinary teams are built on extraordinary relationships.
  • Each person can only control one side of any relationship. (Henry Cloud: 3 rules in life, cannot control other people)
  • No matter what your formal role is, you can start right now. Your biggest lever: Review the relationships you have with your teammates and focus on the ones that need repair. Are you doing your part?

Practice number 1: Extend Trust

  • Great teams work hard to build and maintain trust.
  • High trust makes it possible to freely debate ideas, openly discuss problems, come to a solution and make a decision that sticks. Also, trust gives people the space and safety to ask for help.
  • Assume positive intent. Team members give each other the benefit of the doubt. If a team member can’t understand another member’s behavior, they talk with that person directly instead of making assumptions or grousing to someone else.

Practice #2: Have Direct Conversations

  • In the next episode, we’re having a detailed look into how to have crucial conversations. Here are some of the ground rules:
    • Talk to each other, not about each other.
    • Discuss the toughest issues in the room and leave aligned.
    • Give each other feedback, even when it’s hard.

Practice #3: Be Responsible to each other

  • Care about each other’s success as they do about their own.
  • Put the team’s agenda ahead of their own.
  • Push each other to do their best work.

Connect With Courage – Ep. 9: Living Into Our Values

We are going to talk about three things, #1 why it’s important to know your values, #2 how to find out what is really important to you, #3 how to make them specific and live them out

Why do values matter?

Clarity of values helps us shape our decisions in a way that gives us the life that we want.
1. Being clear about our values gets us going. It gives us a reason to be courageous in the first place, give us motivation and energy to do something.
2. Getting specific about how to live our values keeps us going. Make pre-decisions that work for you, that keep you in line with what you stand for. Even when you’re tired, exhausted and prone to distraction.
3. Our values help us make the tough choices. When it’s dark, you’re face to face with fear, when it feels like you’re a ship on a rough ocean on a dark night, your values serve as a lighthouse that gives you strength and guides your way.
4. Practicing our values makes us stronger. Living into our values is like a pushup. Every time we do it, we get stronger.

Getting Clear About Your Values

Do you know what is truly important to you?
If not, this is how to get clear:

  1. Pick a list of values. Link:
  2. Circle what you think is important to you.
  3. Narrow it down to two values. In the tough times we need it to be simple and clear.
  • Two ways to do it:
    1. Looking backwards to who you were at your best.
    2. Looking forward to who you want to be at your best.
  • Questions that help to narrow it down:
  • Does this define me?
  • Is this who I am at my best?
  • Is this a filter that I use to make hard decisions?

You can do the exercise for yourself, with your family (kids are really good at keeping us accountable), and your organization.

Getting Specific About Your Values

  • Making pre-decisions ahead of time when you’re clear and calm, helps you stay true to your values when it gets difficult. If you don’t do that, when face with a difficult decions we can easily become paralyzed or too impulsive. Making pre-decisions helps you to be thoughtful and decisive.
  • Take your values for each value answer three questions:
  1. What are behaviors that support your value?
  2. What are behaviors that are outside your value?
  3. What’s an example of a time when you were fully living into this value?

Example Courage & Connection

Courage

  1. What are behaviors that support your value?
    • I ask the “dumb” question that I do not know the answer to.
    • I am aware of the process of courage and where I am at the moment.
    • I ask for help.
  2. What are behaviors that are outside your value?
    • I avoid asking a difficult question, and try to figure the answer out alone.
    • I distract myself with YouTube and online games.
    • I retreat when I feel fear.
  3. What’s an example of a time when you were fully living into this value?
    • Launching my podcast.
      Connection
  4. What are behaviors that support your value?
    • I reach out to my friends when I’m not feeling well.
    • I respond to incoming messages within 48 hours.
    • I communicate my needs.
  5. What are behaviors that are outside your value?
    • I withdraw from friends when I’m not feeling well.
    • Messages pile up.
    • I try to please everyone and loose touch with myself.
  6. What’s an example of a time when you were fully living into this value?
    • Reaching out to my closest friends, when I was at a total low point.

Support system. Specific people who will support you living into that value.

  • Who is someone who might support your efforts to live into your values? Talk to them about it.
  • What is one way they can support you?
  • Keep your values visible, put them on your wall & screen. Talk about your values, others might see earlier when we’re living outside your values. They can also remind us to be kind to ourselves when we are doing this hard work.

Connect With Courage – Ep. 8: The Six-Stage Process Of Facing ANY Fear.

Being clear about the six-stage process of facing any fear gives you enormous awareness and can help you to move through fear 10x faster.

“It doesn’t matter how many fears you face—we all go through the same process over and over again.” – Michele Poler

The Basic Psychology Behind It

  • When it comes to making decision we have two systems, just like in a car, you have an accelerator & a brake on a car
  • Accelerator aka Behavioral Activation System: triggered by reward, encourages us to take action, leads to growth
  • Brake aka Behavioral Inhibition System: triggered by risk, keeps us from taking action, keeps us in our comfort zone

1. Discovery Stage

  • You see someone do something, you’ve never considered doing before. Or you envision a bigger future for yourself.
  • Almost automatically and instantly the next stage is triggered

2. Denial Stage

  • Our mind comes up with reasons, why what we want to do is impossible, improbable and dangerous.
  • In an attempt to keep us safe, our behavioral inhibition system is trying to keep us out of situations that are unknown, uncertain and expose us emotionally.
  • It’s easy to get stuck in this stage.

3. Determination Stage

  • We need to realize that our subconscious is trying to talk us out of a new experience.
  • Ask: What if I do it and things go right? (activates the behavioral activation syste):
  • Then make a simple plan, gather your support network and tools.
  • You are 100 percent determined to making it happen.

4. WTF Am I Doing?! Stage

  • Right before you are going to do something, your subconscious is trying to keep you safe again.
  • Feeling: The sinking feeling in our stomach: What did I get myself into?
  • Thoughts: Our mind is considering all the worst-case scenarios. “You won’t be able to do this!” “You are not good enough for this!” “Who do you think you are?”

5. Action Stage

  • You tune down the fear by asking:
    “What’s the best that can happen?”
  • You are out side your comfort zone, you are uncomfortable and take action.

6. The Celebration Stage

  • After going through all of this, for something we really want, we feel proud – regardless of the outcome.
  • Stop for a moment to celebrate – let it sink in.
  • Then go back to stage one.

Connect With Courage – Ep. 7: How To Get Into Flow

Shownotes

  • Flow is a state of being. We modulate an activity until we get into a flow state.
  • Flow for most of us is easier to achieve than we realize.
  • Interstitial journaling (as explained in Episode 6) will help you to catch your patterns and then make adjustments before you get into a task.
  • Again, I’m very thankful to Tony Stubblebine from Coach.me who introduced me to how to modulate for flow.

Elements of a Flow Experience

  1. We’re confronting a task we have a chance of actually completing
  2. There’s a concentration and focus on what we’re doing
  3. The task has clear goals
  4. The task provides immediate feedback
  5. There’s a sense of involvement where awareness of everyday worries drops away
  6. There’s a sense of control or even mastery
  7. Self-consciousness disappears (yet a stronger positive sense of self emerges after the task)
  8. The sense of time is altered; hours seem to pass by in minutes, or seconds feel stretched out into minutes or hours.

Levers for Flow

  • Clear goal. Set a goal for yourself. The goal could be pragmatic or it could simply be created for the purpose of turning your activity into a goal.
  • Challenge. It should be challenging enough to be engaging, but not so challenging as to be frustrating.
  • Skill. If you can’t bring the challenge level down, then you’re going to have to bring your skill level up.

Emotional States When Working

  • There are 8 emotional states, that we can be in: Apathy, Boredom, Relaxation, Control, Flow, Arousal, Worry, Anxiety

If the challenge is lower than your skill level, you might feel Apathy, Boredom or Relaxation.
-> then modulate the goal and the challenge. Make the goal bigger, or make a challenge out of a mundane task.

If the challenge is just about right for your skill level you’ll feel Control, Flow or Arousal.
-> You found the right level of challenge for your skill level, keep going.

When the challenge is bigger than the skill level you might feel Anxiety or Worry.
-> One of the things you need to be in flow is a clear goal that you know you can accomplish.
A lot of times, a hard activity prevents flow because the goal you have in mind is too far outside of your comfort zone.
So if you’re anxious and frustrated, ask yourself: Can I change the goal, can I pick an earlier milestone?

  • Read more about how to create group flow: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_mel_brooks_can_teach_us_about_group_flow

Listen to the podcast at anchor.fm/gabrielp (you can also leave a voice message there, which is supercool.)

Connect With Courage – Ep. 6: Beat Procrastination. Strategy #2: Interstitial Journaling

Shownotes

“Done diligently, Interstitial Journaling is the most powerful productivity habit I’ve ever come across. It creates massive mindfulness that allows you to be more focused and more creative.” – Tony Stubblebine, Founder and CEO of Coach.Me

The Practice

Journal for a few sentences in between every work project. This gives you the chance to fully disengage from your last project and then fully engage in your next project.

The Questions

(1) What project did I just finish? Are there any parts of that project that I’m still thinking about?
(2) How am I feeling?
(3) What is the first action of the project I’m about to start? How should I approach getting the project done?

Listen to the podcast at anchor.fm/gabrielp (you can also leave a voice message there, which is supercool.)

Connect With Courage – Ep. 5: Beat Procrastination. Strategy #1: Involve Other People

Shownotes

Put Procrastination Into Perspective

  • When we’re procrastinating, we might think: “I’m incapable. I’m a failure. There is something wrong with me.”
  • What it actually means: You’re human. Everybody has this experience. It’s universal. We all procrastinate, we just procrastinate about different things.
  • Usually the problem is much, much smaller than we think. Procrastination is a subconscious strategy of dealing with unpleasant emotions.
  • I’ve tried a lot of strategies and tactics to beat procrastination. I’ve found only two that have worked for me consistently. They are both easy to apply. I’m sharing Strategy #1 in this episode and Strategy #2 in the next episode.

Strategy #1: Involve other people.

  • I promise you that there are people around you who are struggling with the exact same thing you are struggling with and they would love to get together with you to get it done.

7 Step-Process For Involving Others

  1. Ask around who also wants to get the same thing done.
  2. Set up a time and date to either meet in person or get on a call.
  3. A couple days before remind the other person to gather all the necessary material for completing the task.
  4. When you meet, take a couple minutes to check in on what you need to do first.
  5. Set a timer for 30 minutes and check in how it’s going and which obstacles you’re hitting.
  6. Check in each 60 minutes until completion.
  7. Celebrate together.

Listen to the podcast at anchor.fm/gabrielp (you can also leave a voice message there, which is supercool.)

Connect With Courage – Ep. 4: Getting Back Up

Shownotes

Getting Back Up Again

Worksheet from Brene Brown with questions to go through the getting-up-process:
https://daretolead.brenebrown.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/DTL-Read-Along-Workbook-v2-2020.pdf

pp. 36-40 (I recommend reading the book to understand the full meaning, but there are also videos available on daretolead.brenebrown.com)

Nature Journaling

Nature Journaling is a great way to get in touch with your surroundings, John Muir Laws wrote a great guide on it:

https://johnmuirlaws.com/product/how-to-teach-nature-journaling/
(Download is free)
Sentence stems to become more curious and aware of our surroundings:

  • I notice …
  • I wonder …
  • It reminds me of …

What’s the biggest challenge for you when it comes to getting back up again? Would love to hear from you.

Listen to the podcast at anchor.fm/gabrielp (you can also leave a voice message there, which is supercool.)

Connect With Courage – Ep. 2: The 4 Ways Others Can Expand Your Courage

I want to make this the best resource that helps you to connect with courage, so it would mean the world to me, if you could answer the following question:

When it comes to asking for help, what is the single biggest obstacle you’re facing? Please be as specific and detailed as possible.

Shownotes:

The 4 Ways How Others Can Expand Your Courage

  1. Someone gives you a bigger vision of what’s possible.
  2. Someone with more experience gives you a hand and takes you a long.
  3. Someone comes along with you.
  4. Someone gives you belief and perspective.

Listen to the podcast at anchor.fm/gabrielp (you can also leave a voice message there, which is supercool.)

Connect With Courage – Ep. 1: Courage Can Be Learned

It would mean the world to me, if you could answer the following question. It will help me deliver content that serves you best.

When it comes to overcoming your fears, what’s the single biggest obstacle you face? Please be as detailed and specific as possible.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2XgHzwmPo7APwEppjDrOUQ?si=XXvam-lTT8upqbzePmfXPg

In this episode we talk about how we can have a life that’s more exciting than an adventure game. It’s very safe to stay at your computer & play a game. It’s a different thing to go out there in the world and play there! But it’s possible, what we need is courage & connection. These are the two main skillsets and resources we need to have & learn. Connect with courage because courage makes a life bigger and connection makes a life so much better.

Ressources mentioned

http://100dayswithoutfear.com/

Listen to the podcast at anchor.fm/gabrielp (you can also leave a voice message there, which is supercool.)