Connect With Courage – Ep. 9: Living Into Our Values

We are going to talk about three things, #1 why it’s important to know your values, #2 how to find out what is really important to you, #3 how to make them specific and live them out

Why do values matter?

Clarity of values helps us shape our decisions in a way that gives us the life that we want.
1. Being clear about our values gets us going. It gives us a reason to be courageous in the first place, give us motivation and energy to do something.
2. Getting specific about how to live our values keeps us going. Make pre-decisions that work for you, that keep you in line with what you stand for. Even when you’re tired, exhausted and prone to distraction.
3. Our values help us make the tough choices. When it’s dark, you’re face to face with fear, when it feels like you’re a ship on a rough ocean on a dark night, your values serve as a lighthouse that gives you strength and guides your way.
4. Practicing our values makes us stronger. Living into our values is like a pushup. Every time we do it, we get stronger.

Getting Clear About Your Values

Do you know what is truly important to you?
If not, this is how to get clear:

  1. Pick a list of values. Link:
  2. Circle what you think is important to you.
  3. Narrow it down to two values. In the tough times we need it to be simple and clear.
  • Two ways to do it:
    1. Looking backwards to who you were at your best.
    2. Looking forward to who you want to be at your best.
  • Questions that help to narrow it down:
  • Does this define me?
  • Is this who I am at my best?
  • Is this a filter that I use to make hard decisions?

You can do the exercise for yourself, with your family (kids are really good at keeping us accountable), and your organization.

Getting Specific About Your Values

  • Making pre-decisions ahead of time when you’re clear and calm, helps you stay true to your values when it gets difficult. If you don’t do that, when face with a difficult decions we can easily become paralyzed or too impulsive. Making pre-decisions helps you to be thoughtful and decisive.
  • Take your values for each value answer three questions:
  1. What are behaviors that support your value?
  2. What are behaviors that are outside your value?
  3. What’s an example of a time when you were fully living into this value?

Example Courage & Connection

Courage

  1. What are behaviors that support your value?
    • I ask the “dumb” question that I do not know the answer to.
    • I am aware of the process of courage and where I am at the moment.
    • I ask for help.
  2. What are behaviors that are outside your value?
    • I avoid asking a difficult question, and try to figure the answer out alone.
    • I distract myself with YouTube and online games.
    • I retreat when I feel fear.
  3. What’s an example of a time when you were fully living into this value?
    • Launching my podcast.
      Connection
  4. What are behaviors that support your value?
    • I reach out to my friends when I’m not feeling well.
    • I respond to incoming messages within 48 hours.
    • I communicate my needs.
  5. What are behaviors that are outside your value?
    • I withdraw from friends when I’m not feeling well.
    • Messages pile up.
    • I try to please everyone and loose touch with myself.
  6. What’s an example of a time when you were fully living into this value?
    • Reaching out to my closest friends, when I was at a total low point.

Support system. Specific people who will support you living into that value.

  • Who is someone who might support your efforts to live into your values? Talk to them about it.
  • What is one way they can support you?
  • Keep your values visible, put them on your wall & screen. Talk about your values, others might see earlier when we’re living outside your values. They can also remind us to be kind to ourselves when we are doing this hard work.

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